Five Steps to getting your relationship on track during pregnancy

We all know and understand pregnant women have hormones, however how do the hormones and state of mind during pregnancy affect their personal relationship with their spouse? This article is geared towards a wanted pregnancy from a couple who has been actively trying to conceive a child. An unplanned pregnancy may have different emotional and financial stress than a couple who has planned for such a journey. We can all plan, but at the end of the day, our plans can only serve as guidelines to how we would like events and circumstances to turn out. Emotions, Hormones, finances and lifestyle choices, take a greater impact on the plans we make for our current and future life and in turn can make pregnant woman more susceptible for wanting to leave their spouses.

From a scientific view, the moment a child is conceived in the womb, pregnant women experience a sudden increase in estrogen and progesterone as well as changes and the functionality of other hormones within a very short amount of time. These changes can greatly affect the mood and physical activity of the body. A pregnant woman may be seen laughing and excited about the pregnancy/child and she may also be seen weeping and upset about the same situation in the same time frame. The emotions are vast and overwhelming for the pregnant woman. If the husband shows any negative emotions, fears and thoughts about the baby, this will greatly affect the pregnant wife as she will begin to question his commitment, his loyalty and his unconditional love for her and their future child. 

 

 Pregnant women know they are pregnant every moment and think about what needs to be done for the child’s arrival  (nesting) as well as what they want to accomplish beforehand. Their husbands may just look towards the due date and not much else. This mindset makes the pregnant woman question the commitment and support of the husband.

Here are five steps to take to ensure both partners are on track during the pregnancy:

1) Open Communication is highly encouraged from both sides. Back in the day,  it was encouraged that a woman conceal her pregnancy and all symptoms associated with it. Now with current maternity wear trends, women cant wait to show off their bump and talk about everything pregnancy related. These conversations should also include their spouse and not just friends. Both partners need to be open and honest about how they feel, what they to accomplish before the baby arrives and discuss parenting techniques.

 

2) Understand your financial situation presently and after the baby arrives. Because pregnant woman tend to start earlier than their husbands in preparing for the birth and arrival of their child, "spending” for the baby may become an issue. This trying financial time for a couple, can include: buying a bigger home, reorganizing and refurnishing a home to accommodate baby and potential in laws who will be sleeping over, buying stuff for the baby, etc. Will there be one income or two?This will greatly affect the financial relationship of the couple if they do not have similar spending habits and mentality on what needs to be accomplished for the child and prioritize. If the husband shows resistance to the pregnant wife’s spending ‘on the baby’, she will once again question his commitment, loyalty and his love for her and child. In the mind of the pregnant woman, she needs to prepare sooner rather than later as she knows much care is needed for the baby once it arrives and would rather get the basics done before she is too heavy and pregnant to enjoy shopping for the baby and to enjoy the excitement together as husband and wife as they shop, buy and prepare for the baby. If she feels she has to ‘nag’ and beg and constantly ask to get this and that without the husband initiating it, she will become very upset and feel he doesn’t love her or baby and will question if he will be able to support them how she would like. She may feel that she can do it on her own and question why she even needs him and his support.

 

3) Re-evaluate lifestyle choices. If the couple was active and travelling and social before the pregnancy and now after, due to her energy level or general pregnancy uneasiness, the wife can not do the aforementioned activities with her husband, it can either bond the couple together even more as they choose to spend more time together at home or it can create a division and resentment in the relationship. For an example, if the husband continues to be social and attend social events without his wife or travel or hang out more with his friends because the wife is “too pregnant, too moody’ to do anything like they used to do, can greatly affect the relationship.

Husband and the pregnant wife shouldn’t have to spend every free moment together, however the husband needs to be sensitive and not leave her alone while he is being social, especially is she doesn't like it. This extends to and after the baby is born as well. Family unity is created when you spend time together, not apart. Busy work and school schedules already take us away from quality family time.

4) Produce similar outlooks on raising a family. Mutually decide on who will be taking care of the child the majority of the time? Will it be the mother? Grandmother? Nanny? What religion, if any, do you hope to teach the child? What are some traditions you hope to instill in your new family? These outlooks on life are usually similar between couples as they may be what attracted them to their mate in the first place. it's amazing how our outlooks can change when we become responsible for another life: a child.

5) Share responsibility. Life is full of responsibilities and they only increase after having a baby! be share to discuss your priorities and who will be responsible for what and have room for flexibility based on personal affinities, abilities and schedules.

Pregnancy can be a trying time for a couple. It is best to acknowledge and work together to produce an outcome both partners are in favor of. Yes, compromise is key and so is appreciating each other's outlooks, love for one another and the mere blessing of being able to create your own family.

questions?
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